What would you do if you knew you could not fail?

The past 6 years have been absolutely crazy. I left my wine career to navigate a very painful, very scary divorce and I can honestly say, I spent a lot of time in a fearful place. I re-established Maven Wine Marketing out of a need to try to stay connected to the industry and a hope... a hope that I could one day return and make a living from Edmonton, where I was marooned in post matrimonial bullshit, far from any vine.

Despite initial promising conversations at Vinexpo in Bordeaux, I ran headlong into the fact that entrepreneurship takes time and a bucket load of energy. And whilst I had one, I frankly did not have the other. Pitches were met with silence, ideas left unrealized, and ultimately after 2.5 years of trundling around as a in-market sales person, I decided to focus more on my child and the career that was actually paying the bills, teaching.

But old demons and dreams surfaced. Covid gave me a stark realization that I was drifting in life. Although I had applied nearly religiously to any position in my wheelhouse during the 6 years, which were really far and few in Canada, I was unable to latch back into the career I thought I was creating. Somehow this saying popped up... What would you do if you knew you would not fail?

I knew immediately. I would pick up the international career I once had, "Go Abroad, balls out, pitch and be brave, Learn and keep moving" as it has said on my goal board that resulted as I mulled this idea over in my mind. I wanted to create. It took awhile to realize that behind all the other wonderful aspects of my job(s), creation of a brand, managing the brand, and watching a product come to life was by far the most rewarding of all the duties. I then remembered that I had wanted to try production early when I was choosing a career path. And BAM! there it was. A heartbeat. Again. Finally.

I researched several places and contacted a few winemakers I knew. Some feedback was positive, some was realistic. Do you really want to work that hard in your 40s? You already have so much to offer... you don't need to do this.

I contemplated 10-20 years ahead. What would life look like if I continued to 'push wine down the wine hole' as a sales colleague always quipped? Where would I be once I was able to work my way back into Sales & Marketing? Would I once again be replaceable? It's a bitter pill, but that's the way that field works.

I have ideas for brands. I have a vision for my life. Its not overly grandiose but it's hella scary to imagine the first steps when I literally had days of agoraphobia after I left my marriage. A serious confidence hit aside... I read Under the Tuscan Sun... I watched movies on midlife crisis gone right. How could I take a leap?

What I did manage however, was to write down the benefits and risks of each idea. Even the ones that I hated that involved staying put, having a 'normal' job, and travelling on the summer breaks. I put it all down and stared at it. Ventured to the basement and spent time with the uncomfortable ideas, rolling them over.

But the words... what would I do if I knew I could not fail ....would always scream out at me.

In my adult life I have lived in Germany, the UK, Thailand, Singapore, France, Napa, and Doha. I couldn't believe that the pieces of 'how to' move again would not materialize. I cajoled myself.. Rania, it's in there, just write down the plan.

I came up with 5 scenarios and played them out.

One of them was a school in Ontario at Brock. One was a school in New Zealand, One was to push this consultancy. One was to teach and stay put. One was to return to BC and wait out a re-entry to that industry.

A week ago, I started online courses for Wine Production and Viticulture at Nelson Marlborough Institute of Technology. I turn 45 in another week. I still don't have a clue about custody and initial talks have led us to court. My teaching job is up in the air, and my rent is still due.

But, oh Rania.

What would you do if you knew you could not fail?